have been thinking about lots of things,
esp when im only 1/4 into Joshua Harris' book - I Kissed Dating Goodbye.
and ive thought quite long and hard about it.

I came to understand that with the world's attitude of love for self-gratification,
when people keep asking what they can get out of a rlnship,
that's not love.
that kinda love will not last.
love is selfless giving, even when there's nothing in it for you.
it is a rational CHOICE, so when people say theyre falling in love, think twice again.
are they going with the passion/lust in their hearts, or a true giving in love?
true giving would involve protecting that person's purity, to respect them.
love isnt giddyheaded romance; thats what the media's made it out for us to believe.
you want love, look at the cross: (yes it sounds harsh but)
look at Jesus.
NO logical being would want to suffer for people who dont appreciate it. but He did.
NO logical being would choose to protect and forgive the unforgivable. but He did.
that is true love- governed by a greater selflessness.
and when i read that i went, wow.
our (mine) perceptions of love were so warped before.
and how, no sensible girl would give a guy her exclusive attention before they are dating, and she wont promise him anything until he's proposed- something girls nowadays should heed.
because he has no right to claim you if he does not match it with personal commitment likewise.

and ive seen a need to have a change of perspective.

intimacy should be tied to commitment- are you willing to commit long term in a rlnship?
where do you want to end up? dating itself shouldnot be an end to things, its supposed to be commitment, or marriage.
and nowadays people are flippant towards dating, it becomes the destination, not the process,
because we all fear commitment. fear being tied down.
but actually it brings about higher chances of divorce.
and how trust in someone's capabilities in all other areas, is entirely diff from trusting one's ability to accept you. they can mutually coexist, the former present while the latter absent.
interesting book, ive learnt alot from the 1st part already.
---

which is why i pray before talking to you
natural reflex is to be bitter, to hurt you with my words.
but God so loved me, that i am not able to say that i cant love you.
i still do and i guess i always will.
if i throw vicious words in retaliation to your provokes,
its jus gonna be a vicious cycle.
our conversations will always end in bitterness, in what you term being so screwed up.
but i dont want it to be that way.
i can only guess why you phrase things the way they are,
and i take it. it takes so much effort sometimes,
jus to think carefully how to reply (see this is why i take so long to reply, which is seen as hiding something, or to package it nicely)
but yes, i believe in careful thought before giving you my words,
such that i mean them when i say them.
and today when we talked, a first in eons,
i am at peace knowing that i held back, and asked God to take away my pain, resentment.
i just hope in time to come,
you'll see things my way.
i still hope. i still miss. i still love. cos that's the rational thing for me to do.